Today I come to you with a proposition. It is not a new trend, nor a What Not To Wear sermon. It has everything to do with fashion, but little with consumerism. Today I propose you reinvent yourself simply by looking with new eyes at that which you already have. Yep, I’m talking about taking your WHOLE closet out in a Fashion Squad sort of move, minus the public humiliation and cruel attitude.

Let’s face this as a much needed spiritual cleanse, a way for you to free your closet from all the unnecessary stuff you’ve been hoarding over the past seasons. Why? Because during the process you’ll find out you have much more outfit combinations than you ever dreamt of. So take a paper and a pen and let’s make some progress!

1. If you live with a man, get him out of the house immediately. No boyfriends, husbands or teasing brothers are allowed (unless sexually confused). Frenemies are also strictly forbidden. You know who I’m talking about, that girl you won’t stop being friends with but with whom you engage, from time to time, in some “healthy” competition. She will NOT look out for your best interests (even if the boycotting happens subconsciously).

2. You’re only allowed to keep something you never use if it qualifies for the SV tag, SV = Sentimental Value. I’m not talking about that top you were wearing the day you found out Magnum was bringing back the strawberry & white chocolate flavour. I mean real SV. I keep the nightgown my mum used to wear when I was a child, it represents to me all things safe and clean smelling.

3. If something’s too cute for you to donate to charity, give it to someone you care about. We all have friends in need of more clothes and not matter how lovely a skirt looks, if you’re not wearing it it is just taking up space in what I assume is your already crowded closet.

4. Here’s the moment where you’ll need a good friend. She needs to be both honest and tasteful. Tempt her with candy or pink champagne. But do avoid getting drunk. You’ll need her to provide you with all the wits that you don’t have. Mine is called Micaela.

5. Start by sections. First take out all of your pants, then your blouses and so on. No need to try on your favourite stuff, just those things you sort of forgot about, or that you’re in doubt whether it looks good on you. Things that don’t flatter you, I mean really flatter you, have got to go away. (The more space you have, the more shopping you can do later. Hello!) Also, very similar things will have to go on a duel where only the prettiest can survive.

6. After you get rid of all those useless garments you will feel elevated, Buddha like. And so you should, you lovely, lovely giving soul. Take a moment to congratulate yourself for rising above the mass consumption society. Go ahead, take a sip of that pink champagne, you deserve it.

7. Now that you’ve just revisited your entire closet it is fresh in your mind. That’s the moment when the repairing will start. A lot of fun can be had here, as you’ll find out that these shoes goes super well with that skirt; that top looks a hundred pounds more expensive with this scarf and that belt really livens up this dress! Discover what your Jokers are, i.e. garments that make you look fit and can be transformed by different accessories for a thousand different occasions.

8. This is the time when you’ll realize if you’re missing on something important. A nice pair of jeans, a pretty scarf, black sandals or some good looking but very comfortable boots. Think Joker elements, things that will make a difference in your closet (read: that you’ll actually use).

9. Remember the paper and pen I talked about? Well, they’re for keeping track of you’re belongings. 15 dresses, 10 pairs of jeans, 8 hats, 9000000 shoes. This will help you realise how much stuff you actually have and how many variables there are. Fancy yourself as a fashion mathematician. Possibilities are endless once you’re playing with all your cards.

10. Do not attempt this during your PMS. If you’re anything like me, you’ll probably end up crying and feeling like the Elephant Man every time you glance at the mirror. You’ll steal all of your friend’s promised candy and pink champagne, which might lead to drunk dialling. Ugly. Do this when you’re feeling good on your own skin. Also, take digital photos of all the new outfits you came up with. You don’t want to go through all this trouble for nothing! When the “I’ve got nothing to wear” curse hits you, you’ll have a file with a thousand possibilities. Tadaaah!

By Lucila de Mello Campos - Fashion Writer for A-SHU.CO.UK.

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